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Saturday, March 28, 2015

Know before you judge. Story.

THE fOOD BAG

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My boss drove a luxury car every day and it was my duty to greet him and to open the gates for him, as I worked as a watchman in his villa. But he never responded to my greetings.

One day he saw me opening the garbage bags outside the villa in search for leftover food. But, as usual he never even looked at me, it was as if he never saw anything!

The very next day I saw a paper bag at the same place, but it was clean and the food inside was covered well. It was fresh and good food like someone had just bought it from the supermarket. I didn't bother as to where it came from, I just took the paper bag and I was simply happy about it.

                         

Every day I found this paper bag at the same place with fresh vegetables and all that we needed for home. This became my daily routine. I was eating and sharing this food with my wife and kids.



I was wondering who this fool could be; to forget his paper bag full of fresh food every day.

One day there was a big commotion in the villa and I was told that my boss has died. There were too many guests coming to the villa and I didn't get any food that day. I thought that one of the guests may have taken it. But the same thing happened the 2nd day, the 3rd day and the 4th day.
It went on like this for a few weeks and I found it difficult to provide food for my family, so I decided to ask the wife of my boss for a raise in my salary or else I would quit my job as a watchman.

After I told her, she was shocked, and asked me, how come u never complained about your salary for the last 2 years? And why is this salary not enough for you now?

I gave her so many excuses, but she was not convinced! Finally, I decided to tell her the truth, I told her the entire story of the bag of groceries, and how it was my daily provision. She then asked me when did it stop. I told her after the death of her husband. And then I realised that I stopped seeing the paper bag immediately after the death of my boss.
Why didn't I ever think of this before? That it was my boss who was providing this for me. I guess it was because I never thought that a person who never replied to my greetings could ever be this generous!
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His wife started to cry and I told her to stop crying and that I'm really sorry that I asked for a raise, I didn't know that it was your husband who was providing me with the meals, I will remain as a watchman and be happy to provide my service.

His wife told me, I'm crying because I've finally found the 7th person to whom my husband was giving this bag full of food. I knew my husband was giving food to 7 people every day, I had already found the 6 people, and all these days I was searching for the 7th person. And today I found out.

From that day onwards, I started to receive the bag full of food again, but this time his son was bringing it to my house and giving it into my hand. But whenever I thanked him, he never replied! Just like his dad!
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One day, I told him THANK YOU in a very loud voice! He requested me to not be offended when he doesn't reply, because he has a hearing problem, just like his dad! 🌹🌹🌹🌹

Oh May God forgive us all, for we have all, as humans, judged another person without knowing the real story behind their actions.

May God forgive us all and guide us towards the right path in life.


From a message shared by Anand Laika

Friday, March 6, 2015

How I Saved My Marriage

Richard Paul Evans 




         


My oldest daughter Jenna recently said to me, “My greatest fear as a child was that you and mom would get divorced. Then, when I was twelve, I decided that you fought so much 
that maybe it would be better if you did.” 

Then she added with a smile. 
“I’m glad you guys figured things out.”
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For years my wife Keri and I struggled. 
Looking back, I’m not exactly sure what initially drew us together but our personalities didn’t quite match up. And the longer we were married, the more extreme the differences seemed. 

Encountering “fame and fortune” didn’t make our marriage any easier. 
In fact, it exacerbated our problems. The tension between us got so bad that going out on book tour became a relief though it seems we always paid for it on re-entry. 

Our fighting became so constant that it was difficult to even imagine a peaceful relationship. We became perpetually defensive, building emotional fortresses around our hearts. We were on the edge of divorce and more than once we discussed it.
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I was on a book tour when things came to a head. 
We had just had another big fight on the phone and Keri had hung up on me. 
I was alone and lonely, frustrated and angry. I had reached my limit. That’s when I turned to God. Or turned on God. I don’t know if you could call it prayer–maybe shouting at God isn’t prayer, maybe it is–but whatever I was engaged in I’ll never forget it. I was standing in the shower of the Buckhead, Atlanta Ritz-Carlton yelling at God that marriage was wrong and I couldn’t do it anymore. As much as I hated the idea of divorce, the pain of being together was just too much. I was also confused. I couldn’t figure out why marriage with Keri was so hard. Deep down I knew that Keri was a good person. And I was a good person. 
So why couldn’t we get along? 
Why had I married someone so different than I? 
Why wouldn’t she change?
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Finally, hoarse and broken, I sat down in the shower and began to cry. 
In the depths of my despair, powerful inspiration came to me. You can’t change her, Rick. You can only change yourself. At that moment, I began to pray. If I can’t change her, God, then change me. 

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I prayed late into the night. 
I prayed the next day on the flight home. 
I prayed as I walked in the door to a cold wife who barely even acknowledged me. That night, as we lay in our bed, inches from each other yet miles apart, the inspiration came. I knew what I had to do.


The next morning I rolled over in bed next to Keri and asked, “How can I make your day better?”
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Keri looked at me angrily. “What?”

“How can I make your day better?”

“You can’t,” she said. “Why are you asking that?”

“Because I mean it,” I said. “I just want to know what I can do to make your day better.”

She looked at me cynically. “You want to do something? Go clean the kitchen.”

She likely expected me to get mad. Instead, I just nodded. “Okay.” I got up and cleaned the kitchen.

The next day I asked the same thing. “What can I do to make your day better?”
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Her eyes narrowed. “Clean the garage.”

I took a deep breath. I already had a busy day and I knew she had made the request in spite. I was tempted to blow up at her. Instead I said, “Okay.” I got up and for the next two hours cleaned the garage. Keri wasn’t sure what to think.

The next morning came. “What can I do to make your day better?”

“Nothing!” she said. “You can’t do anything. Please stop saying that.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “But I can’t. I made a commitment to myself. What can I do to make your day better?”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because I care about you,” I said. “And our marriage.”

The next morning I asked again. And the next. And the next. 
Then, during the second week, a miracle occurred. As I asked the question Keri’s eyes welled up with tears. Then she broke down crying. When she could speak she said, “Please stop asking me that. You’re not the problem. I am. I’m hard to live with. I don’t know why you stay with me.”
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I gently lifted her chin until she was looking into my eyes. 
“It’s because I love you,” I said. “What can I do to make your day better?”

“I should be asking you that.”

“You should,” I said. “But not now. Right now, I need to be the change. You need to know how much you mean to me.”

She put her head against my chest. “I’m sorry I’ve been so mean.”

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“I love you,” I said.

“I love you,” she replied.

“What can I do to make your day better?”

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She looked at me sweetly. “Can we maybe just spend some time together?”

I smiled. “I’d like that.”

I continued asking for more than a month. And things did change. The fighting stopped. 

Then Keri began asking, “What do you need from me? How can I be a better wife?”

The walls between us fell. We began having meaningful discussions about what we wanted from life and how we could make each other happier. No, we didn’t solve all our problems. I can’t even say that we never fought again. But the nature of our fights changed. Not only were they becoming more and more rare, they lacked the energy they once had. We’d deprived them of oxygen. We just didn’t have it within us to hurt each other anymore.

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Keri and I have now been married for more than thirty years. 
I not only love my wife, I like her. 
I like being with her. 
I crave her. 
I need her. 
Many of our differences have become strengths and the others don’t really matter. We’ve learned how to take care of each other and, more importantly, we’ve gained the desire to do so.

Marriage is hard. But so is parenthood and keeping fit and writing books and everything else important and worthwhile in my life. To have a partner in life is a remarkable gift. I’ve also learned that the institution of marriage can help heal us of our most unlovable parts. And we all have unlovable parts.

Through time, I’ve learned that our experience was an illustration of a much larger lesson about marriage. 
The question everyone in a committed relationship should ask their significant other is, “What can I do to make your life better?” 

That is love. Romance novels (and I’ve written a few) are all about desire and happily-ever-after, but happily-ever-after doesn’t come from only desire–at least not the kind portrayed in most pulp romances. 
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Real love is not only about desiring a person, but truly desiring their happiness – sometimes, even, at the expense of our own happiness. 

Real love is not to make another person a carbon copy of one’s self. 

It is to expand our own capabilities of tolerance and caring, to actively seek another’s well being. All else is simply a charade of self-interest.

I’m not saying that what happened to Keri and I will work for everyone. 
I’m not even claiming that all marriages should be saved. 

But for me, I am incredibly grateful for the inspiration that came to me that day so long ago. I’m grateful that my family is still intact and that I still have my wife, my best friend, in bed next to me when I wake in the morning. 

And I’m grateful that even now, decades later, every now and then, one of us will still roll over and say, “What can I do to make your day better.” Being on either side of that question is something worth waking up for.

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Message shared by Yagnesh Ravani